(Originally written July 21 2013)
For the first time in a long time, I really prayed. On the side of the road, tears streaming down my face, I called out to God.
Tonight, on my way to church, I got into a car accident. It was pretty bad actually and I’m thanking God that no one was hurt. I have a slightly sore neck, a little headache and an airbag burn on my hand where my thumb and wrist meet. My car, on the other hand, is probably totaled. RIP Little Nemo. We almost made it an entire year together.
It sounds so weird to say, but I get pretty attached to my cars. Nemo was my second one and we’d had a lot of good times together. Long solo night drives, blasting satellite radio to drown out my cacophony of thoughts. It helped me through a lot. Of course, I realize that it was just a car, but like I said, I got attached. It was hard leaving him for the tow truck driver to take away from where he rested up an embankment. Like saying goodbye to an old friend…I know how insane it sounds, but it is what it is!!
Through misty tears and heaving shock-driven breaths, I apologized over and over again to my dad. I felt like I’d let him and my mom down, like I should’ve known better or something. Monetary burdens plagued my mind. Insurance premiums, rental cars, accidents are really expensive and I didn’t want them to spend any money helping me out. I didn’t want to be a burden to them. I wanted to have it all figured out on my own. I wanted to have everything handled. But tonight, I needed them and they were there.
He hugged me so tightly and reminded me that, “the most most most important thing is that you are okay. I’m just so glad that your car kept you safe.” Looking at my car, I saw what was left of something I was emotionally attached to. I was stressed over having to replace the now gnarled pile of metal. But, when my dad looked at me, he saw only that his precious baby girl was okay. He was relieved.
An angel met me right after impact, and kept me company until my mom and dad arrived. I was hysterically crying and needed her kindness (Thank you Christie!). She repeated to me over and over again, “you’re okay, he’s okay. Everything else doesn’t matter. It can all be replaced.”
A police officer comforted me, “You’re the only thing that really could’ve been lost today, and you’re fine. The rest of it is money. You’ll always find more of it.”
I’m sure what I’m writing here sounds a little scattered. For that, I’m sorry but to be quite honest, I’m still shaken up as I type now.
Once I pried my driver’s side door open and escaped, I should’ve praised God that I could walk, that my face wasn’t smashed into a million little pieces, that I didn’t swerve right into a tree or a power line pole, that I didn’t seriously injure the other driver. This could’ve been so much worse. So much worse.
I’m struck by how much I worried about being able to pay for all of this, make everything all right, while everyone around me (and there were a lot of people), was just simply glad we were okay.
Tonight, as cliché as it sounds, I was reminded of what is important. The stuff that is truly, truly important. It doesn’t matter that all I may have left of my car is a fond memory and a license plate frame I hope to get back. What matters is that God kept us irreplaceable things safe. He is so good! The rest of it simply does not matter.
You know, sometimes, I think I must be seriously dense or something for God to have to speak to me SO LOUDLY like this. I mean, He kept me from church after all. I wish it didn’t take almost being seriously injured to get through my thick skull, but again, it is what it is! He knows me better than anyone, and so I trust his tactics. I just hope and pray that my heart is open enough to be present for what I know He’s doing here. I guess that’ll be something to write about next time…