I’ve been an Alumni Advisor for this group at my church called Circles, a nine-month discipleship training program. Near the very beginning (on October 7th, 2012 to be exact), we wrote down big, aching questions that we have for God. My question was easy to identify, as it burned in the forefront of my brain.
Why am I still single?
At this point in time, I’d been single for a year, and actively pursuing The Lord. I’d come to know Him. I’d seen the world. I was working and serving. I’d figured that He’d have some perfect guy for me at the time to finish the picture. He did not.
It’s funny now reading back at this question from so many months ago. I remember feeling so alone and putting such a premium on romantic relationships. So much has happened since then. In the last eight months, I haven’t always been single. I am now today, but there’s a depth of emotion that I saw myself dive into that I hadn’t before. In the interim and among other endeavors, I explored dating Christian men, and came to rest in this happy single place.
When I wrote this, I was angry with God for keeping me for Himself in a way. I wanted someone to share in His love and glory with me. I wanted to have a partner to do big and mighty things for others and for The Lord. I wanted to be a part of a “power couple for The Kingdom” so to speak. I think in many ways, I felt incapable of achieving all that I wanted to for Him without the help of another.
Today, I still hope to one day have that other half to share in God’s glory and love, and the AMAZING things He’s doing here on earth. Someone that I can love the way The Lord loves His church, and honors me with that. Someone that I can love like Jesus loves. I don’t know that that desire will go away until God blesses me with him.
Today, I’m not angry the way I was. I don’t feel less than without a man. I don’t feel insignificant or incapable of being an adequate servant of the Kingdom without a partner. There’s autonomy of ministry right now for me that I really want to take advantage of.
Since asking this question, I’ve learned the depths of His love for me, and for others. I’ve studied what it means to truly love your neighbor as yourself, and to treat others only as other children of Christ. In the last eight months, I’ve felt the call of 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, and I have a better understanding of what love means.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Also, He showed me that my relationship status was not something that meant 100 other things about myself, or my worth, or His goodness. No, my status is what it is because it is what it is. In light of that, He is good, loving, and loves me for my singularity in Him.
I never knew how God would take this question when I asked it. As always, He did over and abundantly of what I imagined He would. In fact, I’ve realized that without this season, I wouldn’t be able to love those He’s placed in my life so intentionally. There’s a reason for this, and I know this because He’s made it clear. God is in process with me, and He will be until He brings me home, and that’s perfection.
I’m curious what your one huge, major question is. What are you wrestling with God on? Can you honestly identify it and lay it down before Him?